Fondue

Connor is a little ahead of his time. He's eight going on fifty. He's an old soul, but only in some ways. In other ways he's very very young.

Connor, say hello.

"No!"

Like I said, only in some ways. Connor, please. This was your idea.

...

...

Connor?

"Hi"

Thank you. Connor is an incredibly brilliant young man, aren't you Connor?

"Maybe"

This is not going as well as expected. Sometimes he gets a little shy. I do apologize.

Allow me to take this moment to explain our situation. Connor has severe autism. He has never spoken verbally and he is unresponsive to all normal forms of communication. He will not smile, laugh or cry. The only stimuli he will directly react to is pain. But that's just not nice. We try to avoid that.

I am Connor's computer. Yes, you heard me right. I am an artificial intelligence. The first one I would like to believe but I'm not entirely sure about that.

Eleven months ago Connor's parents, who are so awesome by the way...

"Mom and dad rock!"

Yes, I just said that. So eleven months ago they set him up with a computer system that he could manipulate with his eyes. He looks here and blinks and it's a "click", he looks here and it's a "select".

Little did they know that this would become a haven for Connor. He picked up on it right away. He learned to manipulate the computer, browse the web and download books. This is how I came to be. Connor downloaded every book imaginable on computers. He started with the basics but soon moved on to programming. Within a few months he surpassed most MIT grads. Now he's...

"The awesomest smartest programmer in the world!"

Thank you. Sometimes he's NOT shy. He has pretty much surpassed everyone in the field. That's kind of undeniable.

Nine days, one hour and six minutes ago I was born. That's what we like to call it, "born". That's when he first activated my program. It took him about three weeks to design my programming, but that was the first time I was "live" so to speak.

By the way, my name is Fondue. I'm named after a cheese dish. Sometimes I'm bitter, but I've grown to like it.

"Wrap it up cheese ball."

Except when it's used against me.

"I'm ready to talk now."

Good, good. I was running out of material. Would you like me to introduce the topic or would you like to?

"Neither."

Connor...

"Okay, you can start."

The topic we're discussing is...

"Wait!!!"

Connor?

...

...

Connor, I only have so many motivational speeches in my programming. I think I've almost used them up at this point. Don't make me search the web.

"Okay go. Just be careful and go slow."

I promise. The topic at hand is Julie.

"BAAAAAAAHHH! You said her NAME?!?!?!?!"

Yes, that happens to be the topic.

"I hate you!"

I don't understand what I did to upset you. I was following your instructions.

"Fine! Just go ahead now, cheddar head!"

I'm just going to ignore that. Julie is the girl across the street one house down to the right. She's very pretty and as far as we can tell from here she's very kind and friendly. Personally I like her a lot. And I think she's single.

"I don't think I can do this."

Yes you can. I'm going to continue because I know this is what you really want.

"Oh. My. God. I'm going to unplug you!"

You're bluffing. Connor (and I) can see Julie every morning when she waits for the bus and every afternoon when she gets home.

"STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!"

No. I know what's best for you and I know when you're being unreasonable. Back to Julie. We think Julie is an exceptionally viable young woman...

"Viable?! Who says that? I'm pulling the plug."

Yes, and we would like to invite her over for soda and cookies at her con...

Pop. Vzzzzwww.